Every couple struggles with sex at some point in their relationship. To begin, differences in how often you want sex or what type of things you prefer doing can separate partners. This separation leads to feelings of loneliness, a lack of connection, or loss of intimacy. Sex ultimately becomes unsatisfying, or stops altogether.
Furthermore, each couple deals with sexual compatibility a little differently. On one hand, some will seek help early when issues arise. On the other hand, some will live with sexual incompatibilities for many years before they are ready to make a change. No matter which stage you are in, a sexual incompatibility can make or break a relationship. How to navigate when to get professional help is key.
Unfortunately, most people I meet have never heard of sex therapy. Some people will giggle and blush. They assume the only goal is to simply heat up things in the bedroom. Others tense up and attempt to change the subject because they feel too uncomfortable and awkward to discuss it further. Since there are many misconceptions about this type of therapy, I would like to share some answers to commonly asked questions to help you figure out if sex therapy is right for you.
1. Will the therapist touch me?
To clarify, absolutely not. Sex therapy, much like individual or couples counseling, is talk therapy. Sex therapists may ask you to do “homework” in the privacy of your own bedroom that will help move you forward between sessions and provide material to work through in the therapy. The therapist will help you identify the source of the physical or emotional difficulty in order to work through it.
2. Sex hurts! Will sex therapy help?
Sex therapy can provide solutions for a wide range of sexual challenges. The therapy will address the physical, emotional, and relationship dynamics that affect the symptoms you are struggling with. At times, a sex therapist will work closely with a gynecologist, a urologist, and/or a physiotherapist to provide a comprehensive approach to your challenges.
3. Things have changed and we’re not attracted to each other anymore. Can sex therapy help us?
In particular, there is a common myth that sexual attraction is beyond our control. In couples counseling, there is a wide array of tools for working on our connection and attraction to our partners. Sex therapists may utilize aspects of couples counseling to open new lines of intimate communication. This can often work wonders where it seemed there was no hope for change.
4. We’ve been suffering from a dissatisfying sex life for years. It will probably take double the amount of time to fix that, right?
It’s important to realize that sex therapy is solution oriented. You may be surprised to learn that you can begin to see improvements fairly quickly with many sexual problems. Sex therapy has measurable physical effects and improvements can really help you stay motivated and on track in therapy.
5. Lastly, if I have an embarrassing sex story, will they judge me?
They won’t. In fact, trust me. Certified sex therapists are required to undergo 100+ hours of Human Sexuality Education and Sex Therapy Training, as well as complete a supervised internship. We have seen and heard it all! Sex therapists have been trained to make you feel comfortable and you can expect to be accepted as you are. They will not judge you or try to change your sexual identity and preferences.
If you feel that sex therapy is right for you, contact us today to schedule a session with a trained sex therapist. We’re ready to guide you through the healing process.