THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES ARE:
1) Words of Affirmation – covered in my blog here!
2) Quality Time – covered in my blog here!
3) Receiving Gifts – covered in my blog here!
4) Physical Touch- covered in my blog here!
5) Acts of Service
If these 5 love languages are new to you, don’t worry! First, I encourage you and your partner to discover your own love languages by taking the quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ After that, stay tuned! Over the next few months, I will be doing a blog to highlight one of the 5 love languages with tips on how to apply it to your relationship.
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Today, I will be covering our final love language of the blog series: Acts of Service! Actions definitely speak louder than words for this love language. Therefore, a useful key thing to is, “SHOW, DON’T TELL.” Remember that those under this love language will need to see your love it in order for it to be truly meaningful.
The Meaning Behind Showing
Acts of service don’t have to be grand gestures. In fact, they are actually most effective when they are everyday actions for your partner. This love language gets a bad rep for sounding exhausting and self-sacrificing. However, it’s really not about being your partner’s “slave”, but rather showing them you care by doing something a little extra to brighten their day. Those under this love language have a constant running To-Do list of tasks in their mind and relax when the list is done. Things that may be on the list could be: change the oil in the car, do laundry, mop the floors, and clean the litter box. You can communicate that you love them by helping to remove things from that list of tasks. When you knock something off the list, it sends the message: “This matters to me because it matters to you,” and in response, they feel loved and valued.
This goes both ways. If you notice that your partner does the actions I mentioned above or other little chores for you often, s/he probably speaks the Acts of Service love language. Even if these actions don’t particularly fill your love tank, learn to recognize what your partner is doing for you. Learn to see the love they are trying to show you and make sure to show appreciation.
Below are tips to succeed with acts of service.
Knock out that To-Do list together.
A list of undone tasks makes those under this Love Language very anxious. By simply asking your partner what you can do to help gives the message that you don’t want them to be anxious, you are willing to lend a helping hand, and what matters to them also matters to you.
Help Out Indirectly by Being Proactive.
When you both have busy schedules, it can be difficult to be present and assist your partner with tasks all the time. There are several meaningful ways you can show you want to help and that you are thinking of them: make them a cup of tea/coffee before they wake up, fill their car with gas, get their car washed, have dinner ready when they get home, take care of a chore they haven’t gotten to yet, etc.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone.
A night out with your partner’s family or friends may not seem like your idea of a fantastic way to spend your time, but to your partner, this act means a lot. What makes this act even better and more meaningful is offering to go before even being asked.
Give Them the Day Off.
While Acts of Service isn’t about doing everything for your partner, everyone deserves a day off once and awhile. If you give your partner a full day off from all the usual day-to-day annoyances so they can focus on other things they find fulfilling or treat themselves to a day a practicing self-care, they’ll feel truly appreciated through this tremendous act of kindness and generosity.
Through this blog series, I hope you have found the Love Language that “speaks” to you! As you have learned, “I love you” can take the form of many different things – whether it’s through verbal affirmations, a gentle touch, or anything in between. My hope is that you better understand the way you and your partner give and receive that love.
Give Amy Wine Counseling Center a call at 832-421-8714 if you have any questions or to schedule an appointment.
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