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I’m Not a Control Freak, Am I?

I'm Not a Control Freak, Am I? Amy Wine Counseling Cypress TXSometimes we plead, shout, demand, and cause a complete ruckus to get our husbands to help us. Then, when they kindly (or begrudgingly oblige) we smack them between the eyes with our disappointment and criticism because it wasn’t done “our way!”  Basically, we are stating, “I’m not a control freak…. but let me show you how it’s done!”

Isn’t this so true, especially with our spouses?  For example: A women requests her husband stop by the grocery store and texts him a list (admit it, you are texting lists now, too!). He, of course, is thrilled at the prospect of grocery shopping on his way home from a long days work (go ahead insert a little sarcastic voice). Upon arriving home to his devoted wife, he greets her with a quick peck on the lips, unloads the groceries, and immediately senses tension in the air.  He now begins to look for the quickest escape route from the kitchen. His heart rate is rising. He is scrambling to run from whatever is causing the over exaggerated moans of displeasure radiating from his wife’s lips.

Uh oh, he didn’t make it out in time before the words of disapproval start flowing.

“Why did you get this brand of green beans, you should know our kids won’t eat these!”

“Seriously, 1% milk, we get 2%, where have you been? See this is why I am always saying that you are not checked into our family!”

“I don’t know why I bother asking you to pick up a few simple groceries, nothing you purchased is what we use, do you even live here?”

“Our kids don’t eat green grapes, they eat the purples ones, you might as well throw those out!”

Sound silly? Yes, the groceries are a minor, simple thing, what about the big stuff? Think about it, how did you respond to your spouse the last time you asked for help on something and it didn’t go exactly how you wanted it? Overwhelmingly, women are critical of their husband’s attempts to help. No wonder, they don’t spontaneously ask us if we need help!  Why can’t we just let go of the power and control?  Didn’t we ask for the help? Does it only have to be on our terms? Who would want to help us after all of that?   Back to begging for help because husbands are sprinting the other direction fast.

4 Ways to just LET IT GO!  (you know you have the theme song from frozen in your head right now)

1.  Ask for help and then turn it over completely. Even if you have to walk away and hide, or put duct tape over your mouth.  Who says there is only one way to complete a task? Your children can learn to eat green grapes and in the meantime, learn that people do things differently, but that doesn’t make them wrong!

2. Don’t give step-by-step instructions before turning over the task.  Nobody is going to do it as good as you can do it yourself! So, just let it go! (yep, that song again)

3. Go ahead, be the Super Hero…  of exhaustion, anger, anxiety, unhappiness, and well…you get the point. Keep doing it all! Because nobody can do it as well as you! You will be a super hero all right (insert sarcasm, again)!

4. Surrender your thoughts of having everything your way! Surrendering brings peace and calm into your life. You are accepting what is and having faith that all will work out, even without your input!

Go now, repair this with your spouse, you can do it… APOLOGIZE!  Apologize for all those times that you wanted his help but really wanted him to be a clone of you! Apologize for the misconception that “his way” is not the “right way!” Then, possibly next time you ask for help he won’t be planning his escape route!

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Amy Wine

Amy Wine is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She is founder of the Amy Wine Counseling Center, which is a group practice in Cypress TX.
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