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“How’s Your Day Going?” – How to Connect with your Partner

Typical Email Exchange:

“How’s your day going love?” 

“It’s going, you?” 

“Same, I miss you.” 

“Miss you too, what are dinner plans?” 

The above is pretty much a copy/paste from regular interactions with my spouse. Nothing negative, and it helps me feel connected, but I know that I sometimes miss things that happen because of how busy our lives are. It seems that the more things happen, the less we talk about. 

Career Driven Partners:

If you break down the hours of the day, most of us spend the majority of our time either at work or, if you are in Houston, commuting to work. This doesn’t take into account those of us who may do work duties at home on the weekends or in the evenings. Add in slightly varied work schedule and some type-A personalities into the mix, some of us may feel like our partners are in a relationship with their jobs more than with us, or maybe we are the people who are married to our jobs. How do we connect with our partners when work and life balance seems horribly skewed in the work direction? My spouse and I try to check with each other throughout the day by asking 

Set boundaries around personal time 

    • Work phone / email goes off – put an away message if needed
    • Don’t discuss work during this time, talk about kids, house, walk down memory lane, those neighbors with the pesky dog who won’t shut up
    • Are there any new interests you have? Hobbies? Curiosities? Venues you want to see?
    • Communicate this to your partner, “I know we both get caught up in work, but I would like to make this date night about just you and I. I’m turning my work phone off completely, do you think you could do the same?” 

Ask questions about work that go beyond work – Work IS a huge part of our lives, it’s natural to want to talk about it. So do! But lets do it in a way that helps us feel connected and close to our loved one. 

    • What made you excited about your job today? 
    • What is something that happened you never would have expected? 
    • What was the low point in your day? High point?

Turn every day things into purposeful, connecting rituals

    • Hug your spouse while they are washing dishes, even just for a couple seconds
    • Ask what music they want to listen to and turn it on, this can act as a really good mood check in as well 
    • Don’t underestimate a good, old fashioned cuddle and makeout session for five minutes
    • Take a bath/shower together

We shouldn’t have to choose between our work and our partner(s.) Let us make sure in our quest to be the best working individuals we can be and excel in our careers, that we don’t forget the loved ones around us that are supporting us to get there.  If you have questions or would like to book a therapy session, please call Amy Wine Counseling Center at 832.421.8714.

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Alyssa Webb-McCune

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