When sex is an issue in a relationship (it more than likely will be in all relationships) I often hear this question…
How often should we be having sex?
Great question! I’m glad you asked. It’s completely normal to wonder if you are having more or less sex than other couples, but it’s a difficult question to answer. Before we dig through the answer, here are some statistics that may be helpful:
The average married couple has sex 98 times per year. (2016 Research from The National Center for Health Statistics)
7.5% of married people say they have sex daily. (Book: The Normal Bar)
40% of spouses reported having sex 3-4 times a week. (Book: The Normal Bar)
48% of married women want regular sex after 4 years. (2016 Research from The National Center for Health Statistics)
Frequent sex is often defined as occurring once a week. (Study from The Society for Personality and Social Psychology)
Frequent sex was more strongly associated with marital satisfaction than wealth. (Study from The Society for Personality and Social Psychology)
Get rid of the word “should”.
There is no magic number of sexual encounters you should be having. In fact, it’s all relative to your age, health, and needs – so don’t focus on it. The focus should be more on whether or not you’re both happy with the quantity and quality. Remember, every couple is different.
If you and your spouse have contrasting desires regarding the quantity of sex, the “right” frequency will likely be less than the spouse with the greater desire, but more than the spouse with the lesser desire – it’s a compromise or happy medium.
It may take time to figure this out in your relationship. However, there are things more important than focusing on the quantity. The quantity is often a result of other factors. Focusing more on incorporating healthy communication, non-sexual touches, and affirming words will produce dividends on your sex life.
If you and your spouse are struggling with quantity or quality of your sex life, please give Amy Wine Counseling Center a call at 832-421-8714. We have several counselors who would be honored to help in your journey.