It is difficult to balance nurturing a marriage and the relationship with your kids. I don’t know a couple who doesn’t struggle with this. If you are caught in the child-centered grind, I imagine you’re schedule has become more crowded with child activities.
Disclaimer: I very much believe kids are a blessing and we should involve them in activities that nurture their soul and builds character.
The danger arises when nurturing the relationship with your spouse takes a backseat and you slip into disconnect.
At this point, you either kept reading to see if your marriage is child-centered or you quit reading because you thought I was going to bash your kid’s activities. I’m glad you have your child in underwater basket weaving. However, I’m tired of seeing couples voicing displeasure because they spent the past 18-20 years focused more on their children than on each other.
So, are you leaving adequate time in your weekly schedule to enrich the relationship with your spouse?
If you’re not sure, get with your spouse and be brutally honest with the ten questions below:
- Do you often feel too busy, overcommitted, or worn-out because of your child’s activities?
- Is your child given few responsibilities because you and your spouse are doing it all?
- Do you and your spouse struggle to find time for date nights solely because of your child’s activities?
- Is it difficult to make time to go away for a weekend because of your child’s schedule?
- Has your physical intimacy lost some of the passion and romance because you feel too tired, busy, distracted, or just not interested in engaging with your spouse?
- Are your needs and desires are neglected because of the attention your spouse gives to your child?
- Do you ever feel surrounded by your family but lonely in your marriage?
- Is the communication with your spouse more about the kids instead of one another?
- Are you unable to ever go on family vacations because of a child’s sports or other activities?
- Do you ever feel like your child’s wants and desires are charting the course for your family instead of you and your spouse?
So how did you do?
Which areas are your biggest struggle? If you answered “yes,” to five or more questions you are likely experiencing a child-centered marriage.
Hopefully reflecting will help you cultivate a healthier balance in your life. If you think you need some help getting back on track, please give us a call. We have many wonderful counselors at Amy Wine Counseling Center who would be eager to help.