Me: So, you’re thinking about getting married?
Person: Yes! They are the one!
Me: How do you know they’re the one?
Person: I just feel it.
Me: What does it feel like?
Person: I just want to be with them all the time.
Me: I want to be with my dog all the time. Should I marry it?
Person: No. That’s silly.
Me: I know.
You may think this hypothetical conversation never exists in real life, but I assure you it does. Often, in a dating relationship we can rely much on how we feel and forget to assess whether or not the person we’re with possesses the kind of character we desire for a long-term relationship. So, for those thinking you might like to marry the person you’re dating, here’s a list of important questions to ponder about their character. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’ll get you started on the right track (in no particular order of importance). I could’ve listed 100+ questions, including those about finances, faith, kids, etc, but I’m shooting for a starting point. If you’re not feeling positive about your responses to the questions below, then all the others don’t matter. I should note these questions were populated with the understanding that marriage is best when based on mutual love and respect.
- Would you characterize them more as selfish or selfless?
- Do they respect what is important to you?
- How do they express anger/frustration?
- How do they treat a waiter at a restaurant (or other service-oriented positions)?
- How do they respond under stress?
- What are their family relationships like?
- How secretive are they?
- Are they controlling or do they allow autonomy in the relationship?
- Do they allow them self to be influenced by you or do they possess a “my way or the highway” mentality?
This quote by Malcolm Forbes sums up a lot: You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them.
Like I said, the questions above are a starting point. During the course of a relationship there should be several other important questions to consider as well. If you’re already in a committed relationship and some of these questions elicit concern, it’s not too late for change to occur. If you’re unhappy with the state of your relationship gives us a call at 832-421-8714 or contact us here. We have several counselors who would be happy to help get you on the track you desire.