When I first started this blog post I had a pretty straightforward idea of what it would look like. I was going to describe adoption as something that comes from a deep love and that parents who adopt love their children fiercely. I was going to find some empirical data to back up my hypothesis. Then… I googled it.
Adoptive Parents’ Love
A simple Google search of the keywords “adoptive parents’ love” will lead you with some really fascinating information. There are articles about how the love is different between parents with adopted children and parents and biological children. Some about heartbreaking disrupted adoptions. And, some about how adoptive parents actually invest more energy in their adopted children than they do in their biological children. It seemed like the information out there was scattered all over the map.
Then I read a line in another blog post that really got to the heart of what I was looking for. This writer explained that, yes, researchers can draw conclusions. They said we may have some statistics about this topic but in reality we cannot quantify the experience of others. We cannot put love in a one-size fits all box. Therefore the only way to truly get the essence of an adoptive parent’s love is to hear their story.
I am not a parent. However, I am the second best thing considering that I was adopted and raised by two amazing ones. So for this blog I’m going to get a little personal to share my own experience.
To think that a person could love me more than my parents did from the moment they first held me in their arms is astounding. I obviously do not remember my infancy and how my parents looked at me when I was very young. Knowing how loved I have always felt by them makes me believe that their love has been consistently this strong throughout my life.
Thanks, Mom and Dad
If anything I think I put the pressure on myself to please them in some sort of warped ‘you picked me so I must live up to your expectations’ thought process. I say warped because I know for a fact that they never put that kind of pressure on me. They loved me even when my flaws were on full display. They always challenged me to be my best. My parents also eased my fear of failing to please them by explaining that when they adopted me they had no idea who I would become — just like a mother with a baby in her belly has no idea who that person will become.
I had a unique experience of being adopted by parents who were very open about my adoption. When I was a kid I would tell people that my soul was born in my mommy’s heart not in her belly. It made perfect sense to me! Now as an adult, the love I feel from my parents is just as strong as it was when I was a child. From a child’s perspective, I cannot imagine feeling any kind of daughter-parent love stronger or more special than the one I have for my parents. They are the reason that I am the person I am today. I know I would not be this person if not for their unwavering depth of love.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.